Lately I have been reflective about family and growing up and where we are now.
Life as a Myers....my parents were married when they were both 19 yrs old. ~ 40 yrs ago this December. They were living in Tx. where John and I were born. Dad was working as an electrician when he was called to the ministry. So they packed us up and moved to Chattanooga, TN to go to Tn Temple Univ. My dad said that the plan was to finish school and go back to TX, but add 2 more kids, school taking longer than he thought (school by day, work by night) and settling into a church God would later call him to pastor and we never left.
I always said I was still a Texan and as soon as I got old enough I was moving back....I'm still here :) I'm the only one of the 6 of us who is still here, we are spread out all over the place and maybe that is why there are times when I think about the word "family" and MY family and reminisce about when we were all still under the same roof.
4 of us...John, me, David and Carolyn...we could fight oh my goodness we could fight, but we sure weren't gonna let other people pick on one of us. We could laugh too, we all had our friends but we knew how to have a good time together too. Being preacher's kids we got a lot of "stuff" thrown our way and it was really tough at times. Money was tight but my parents kept us in private Christian school..looking back I have no idea how they did that. We moved a lot. We changed schools several times. "Vacation" was going to Texas for a week to see family. We spent a lot of time at the church....events, revivals, cleaning, setting up, tearing down, locking up/last to leave, looking for someone's lost purse or keys. People called at all hours and even while we were on "vacation". Christmas and birthdays were special days a lot times you got what you needed..a slip, underwear, socks, church clothes, shoes..and a couple of things you may have wanted. We didn't have a house full of family. It was almost always just the 6 of us...Christmas my mom still cooked a big meal and birthdays you got to pick dinner of your choice and open presents. There were a few parties here and there but mostly it was just us. At Christmas my parents would take us to the dollar store in the mall and give us each $5 to buy gifts for the other family members one parent would go in with a child and the other would stand outside the store and wait. We thought this was so much fun!
I honestly didn't wish these things were different. I didn't think much about them, it just was the way things were, I assumed everyone was the same way.
There were other things I wished I could have differently and I must admit I was ungrateful a lot. I know now that things we did have were sacrifices for my parents. I know now that the very things I said I would never say or do as a parent are the things I say and do the most. I know now that my parents did the very best they could with what they knew to do. I know now that my parents loved Jesus and tried to exemplify that in their life. I know now that my parents weren't perfect and never claimed to be.
I try to tell my girls to love each other deeply because some day your parents will be gone and you will be each others family. I know now I miss my siblings deeply. I know now that I am jealous of people who have their family all around them and they see each other all the time. I know now that I didn't realize when everyone moved away it would be so hard to stay connected.
When one of my kids says to me "I wish I had a different family" I always say "Take it up with God, He put you right where He knew you needed to be. Tell HIM you think He made a mistake and see what He says!" I remember feeling the same way at times growing up (sorry Mom and Dad), but really who hasn't??
NOW, though, I know I was right where HE wanted me, with the people HE knew I needed to be with. The hard times, the fun times, the times of tears and the times of laughter have made me who I am. I am very thankful God allowed me to grow up a Myers. I love you Dad, Mom, John, David, and Carolyn!!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
Anniversaries, First Day of School, and an Aching Heart
I have been through a roller coaster of emotions this week and truthfully I am quite weary. Monday was insane for who knows what reason, Tuesday was our 14th anniversary.
It was a sweet day for us even though we didn't get to go out. When we got married I worked for the school system and we needed the summer to plan our wedding so we got married 2 weeks before school started. We didn't fast forward several yrs and think that that would mean every year our kids would get school supplies for our anniversary and we would be flat broke. There were gifts for each other and we will go out....some day. :) I feel very proud/thankful of our 14yrs. To say it has been easy would be a lie, we have our issues just like everyone else and there have been times when one or both of us has wanted to throw in the towel, but God is gracious and has walked us through and we are working hard at this thing called life, marriage and family.
Wednesday brought the first day of school which ALWAYS makes me emotional. It brings the reminder that my babies are just getting older, moving on, and we are taking another step in letting go. Megan always takes things in an easy going way, she was nervous but stepped into her first day of 7th grade with the courage I love so much about her. Erika....a whole other story. She started her day insanely grumpy and even hateful to the family. We realized quickly she was pretty scared. I always walk her in (Megan never let me walk her in after Kindergarten) but I think Erika thought 2nd graders don't need mommies and she didn't want people to think she was a baby. She was close to puking, but got out of the car with a look that said you are sending me to my execution and walked in. For the first time EVER I did not cry when I dropped my girls off. I think when she got inside and saw all the mommies there with kids of every age she realized her mistake.
I got home, got out of the car and my cell phone rang. My baby girl was sobbing on the other end begging me to come back. I did. She was sitting in the office silent tears streaming down her face and it was all this mommy could do to hold it together. She proceeded to beg me to take her home with promises she would come the next day. I loved on her and told her I couldn't take her home, but I would walk her to class. More begging, more promises, more tears, and a walk down the hall. I took her in and the sweetest lady I think my girls have ever been blessed to have as teachers walked up to my Erika, hugged her and said "Oh Erika, I'm so glad you are here, I was hoping you would come today." I kissed my girl, walked out, got in my car as quickly as I could and cried the whole way home and for an hour or so. Praying for her through the day. She got off the bus and said it was a great day and she loves her teacher....oh, so do I!!!!
Through out this week we have had multiple conversations with several people... things that have been one blow after another of bad news, heart breaking issues. People we love dearly whom Satan is attacking and situations that at times this week seemed unfix-able. Things that have burdened me so much they have sent me running, laying face down in front of my Father (much like my daughter did Wed.) begging for intervention on behalf of those I love so much. There have been some victories and some times where there are no answers. I don't know what God is doing, and some times trusting is hard, but this morning I am hanging on to the fact my God is STILL God. He loves my family and friends WAY more than I ever could and He didn't step off His throne and not know these things would happen. He is always working out His perfect plan, and His timing and His plans are not always (not usually) my timing or my plans. So while a huge part of me says I want to get off this roller coaster of emotions, being involved in people's lives is too messy and too hard; there is another small part of me that says it is worth the risk. Loving people, being involved, getting dirty, hurting when they hurt, crying when they cry leads to laughing when they laugh and rejoicing when they rejoice and a chance to see God moving and working miracles in their lives.....and in mine.
It was a sweet day for us even though we didn't get to go out. When we got married I worked for the school system and we needed the summer to plan our wedding so we got married 2 weeks before school started. We didn't fast forward several yrs and think that that would mean every year our kids would get school supplies for our anniversary and we would be flat broke. There were gifts for each other and we will go out....some day. :) I feel very proud/thankful of our 14yrs. To say it has been easy would be a lie, we have our issues just like everyone else and there have been times when one or both of us has wanted to throw in the towel, but God is gracious and has walked us through and we are working hard at this thing called life, marriage and family.
Wednesday brought the first day of school which ALWAYS makes me emotional. It brings the reminder that my babies are just getting older, moving on, and we are taking another step in letting go. Megan always takes things in an easy going way, she was nervous but stepped into her first day of 7th grade with the courage I love so much about her. Erika....a whole other story. She started her day insanely grumpy and even hateful to the family. We realized quickly she was pretty scared. I always walk her in (Megan never let me walk her in after Kindergarten) but I think Erika thought 2nd graders don't need mommies and she didn't want people to think she was a baby. She was close to puking, but got out of the car with a look that said you are sending me to my execution and walked in. For the first time EVER I did not cry when I dropped my girls off. I think when she got inside and saw all the mommies there with kids of every age she realized her mistake.
I got home, got out of the car and my cell phone rang. My baby girl was sobbing on the other end begging me to come back. I did. She was sitting in the office silent tears streaming down her face and it was all this mommy could do to hold it together. She proceeded to beg me to take her home with promises she would come the next day. I loved on her and told her I couldn't take her home, but I would walk her to class. More begging, more promises, more tears, and a walk down the hall. I took her in and the sweetest lady I think my girls have ever been blessed to have as teachers walked up to my Erika, hugged her and said "Oh Erika, I'm so glad you are here, I was hoping you would come today." I kissed my girl, walked out, got in my car as quickly as I could and cried the whole way home and for an hour or so. Praying for her through the day. She got off the bus and said it was a great day and she loves her teacher....oh, so do I!!!!
Through out this week we have had multiple conversations with several people... things that have been one blow after another of bad news, heart breaking issues. People we love dearly whom Satan is attacking and situations that at times this week seemed unfix-able. Things that have burdened me so much they have sent me running, laying face down in front of my Father (much like my daughter did Wed.) begging for intervention on behalf of those I love so much. There have been some victories and some times where there are no answers. I don't know what God is doing, and some times trusting is hard, but this morning I am hanging on to the fact my God is STILL God. He loves my family and friends WAY more than I ever could and He didn't step off His throne and not know these things would happen. He is always working out His perfect plan, and His timing and His plans are not always (not usually) my timing or my plans. So while a huge part of me says I want to get off this roller coaster of emotions, being involved in people's lives is too messy and too hard; there is another small part of me that says it is worth the risk. Loving people, being involved, getting dirty, hurting when they hurt, crying when they cry leads to laughing when they laugh and rejoicing when they rejoice and a chance to see God moving and working miracles in their lives.....and in mine.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Your Grace Still Amazes Me!!!
There are a TON of times in my life where I can see God's hand working and I'm sure another TON of times where He was at work and I didn't even realize it. There are, however, 3 very specific times God has worked out circumstances in our lives and He always blows me away!
There have been multiple times in our marriage when we have had only one car. Due to past poor financial decisions we don't have the finances to just go buy a car when we are in need. Sometimes we have been able to work it out to fix our replace a vehicle and sometimes we have to just suck it up and I drive everyone around while we pray about what comes next.
The first time God provided Megan was probably around 2...my uncle had a van that he was ready to get rid of and would give it to a family member who wanted it. WE DID! We met up and filled out paper work and claimed a van that only cost us tags and title. It was an old van, but it met our needs for a couple of years.
The second time God provided was quite some time later we had replaced the tired old van with a used mini van. Sadly, we got "taken" and were sold a lemon and it didn't last long. We were a one car family again. Then one day Rick called me and said "I need you to sit down, a friend has called and wants to know if we want their van. They were gonna sell it, but felt God leading them to offer it to us first." We "bought" their van for insanely low price and once again were blown away by God's provision. Stuff like that doesn't happen twice...right?!?!?
That old van lasted us 3yrs., but a yr ago we were back to being a one car family. I was very bitter this time and struggled with God over it for months. Somewhere around the first of the year God and I worked things out and I realized that anything I have is way more than I deserve. He has never failed to take care of our needs and our wants are just that...wants, sometimes we get them, sometimes we don't. So I determined to drive my family around with a smile in my heart and gratefulness for the things He had blessed us with.
Yesterday afternoon we were getting ready to head out to a church business mtg, church, and running when we received several calls from a family member who was working out a car for us. They called around 4:00 and said the car was ours all we had to do was drive to Cleveland to get it. Once again we have a car that only cost us tags and title. It isn't anything fancy and it is old, but it is wheels that will take my husband back and forth to work and gets about 32 miles a gallon. It will not only save me a lot of time, but it will save us money on gas too!
Why does God keep doing this for us??? I have no idea other than His love and grace go way beyond anything I can fathom! We most certainly don't deserve the way He takes care of us, but He DOES take care of us in spite of ourselves. "His grace still amazes me!"
There have been multiple times in our marriage when we have had only one car. Due to past poor financial decisions we don't have the finances to just go buy a car when we are in need. Sometimes we have been able to work it out to fix our replace a vehicle and sometimes we have to just suck it up and I drive everyone around while we pray about what comes next.
The first time God provided Megan was probably around 2...my uncle had a van that he was ready to get rid of and would give it to a family member who wanted it. WE DID! We met up and filled out paper work and claimed a van that only cost us tags and title. It was an old van, but it met our needs for a couple of years.
The second time God provided was quite some time later we had replaced the tired old van with a used mini van. Sadly, we got "taken" and were sold a lemon and it didn't last long. We were a one car family again. Then one day Rick called me and said "I need you to sit down, a friend has called and wants to know if we want their van. They were gonna sell it, but felt God leading them to offer it to us first." We "bought" their van for insanely low price and once again were blown away by God's provision. Stuff like that doesn't happen twice...right?!?!?
That old van lasted us 3yrs., but a yr ago we were back to being a one car family. I was very bitter this time and struggled with God over it for months. Somewhere around the first of the year God and I worked things out and I realized that anything I have is way more than I deserve. He has never failed to take care of our needs and our wants are just that...wants, sometimes we get them, sometimes we don't. So I determined to drive my family around with a smile in my heart and gratefulness for the things He had blessed us with.
Yesterday afternoon we were getting ready to head out to a church business mtg, church, and running when we received several calls from a family member who was working out a car for us. They called around 4:00 and said the car was ours all we had to do was drive to Cleveland to get it. Once again we have a car that only cost us tags and title. It isn't anything fancy and it is old, but it is wheels that will take my husband back and forth to work and gets about 32 miles a gallon. It will not only save me a lot of time, but it will save us money on gas too!
Why does God keep doing this for us??? I have no idea other than His love and grace go way beyond anything I can fathom! We most certainly don't deserve the way He takes care of us, but He DOES take care of us in spite of ourselves. "His grace still amazes me!"
Friday, July 22, 2011
This is How Jesus Loves
After my "day" Tuesday I really didn't feel like going to Wednesday night church service, but I know myself well enough to know that that is absolutely when I NEED to go to church. I am so very glad I went!
We had a guest speaker who spoke straight to my heart, well God did anyway he just happened to be a great messenger. He spoke from Luke 6:11-17, but even before he finished reading the whole passage my heart/eyes rested on verse 13 "When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, 'Don't cry'".
I read it over and over and it was like the balm I needed.
I could tell you the story behind it, but I would have to re-preach the speaker's message, I challenge you to go read it. To sum up a little; a widow woman's only child has died and she is crying and Jesus sees her and His heart goes out to her. Then comes the point of the message: "This is how Jesus loves. He felt what she felt and was moved emotionally." THEN He did something for her!!! He raises her son to life...He doesn't lose sight of people. He sees their hurts, He feels it, He ministers to it!!!!
I LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!
I wrote this verse next to one of my other favorites so I can refer to both of them in trying situations.Zephaniah 3:17 " The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take Great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
I can just sit here forever....knowing that when I am feeling sad, maybe even mad and a little "put out" and then my Jesus says "Don't cry"...and "He quiets me with His love, He rejoices over me with singing"
He is so Awesome! I can't get enough of Him!
We had a guest speaker who spoke straight to my heart, well God did anyway he just happened to be a great messenger. He spoke from Luke 6:11-17, but even before he finished reading the whole passage my heart/eyes rested on verse 13 "When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, 'Don't cry'".
I read it over and over and it was like the balm I needed.
I could tell you the story behind it, but I would have to re-preach the speaker's message, I challenge you to go read it. To sum up a little; a widow woman's only child has died and she is crying and Jesus sees her and His heart goes out to her. Then comes the point of the message: "This is how Jesus loves. He felt what she felt and was moved emotionally." THEN He did something for her!!! He raises her son to life...He doesn't lose sight of people. He sees their hurts, He feels it, He ministers to it!!!!
I LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!
I wrote this verse next to one of my other favorites so I can refer to both of them in trying situations.Zephaniah 3:17 " The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take Great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
I can just sit here forever....knowing that when I am feeling sad, maybe even mad and a little "put out" and then my Jesus says "Don't cry"...and "He quiets me with His love, He rejoices over me with singing"
He is so Awesome! I can't get enough of Him!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Having A Day
Today I am having "one of those days". I can't tell you why really, I wish I could. It might make it a little easier to deal with.
Run for God starts back up tonight and despite my best intentions I have not run ONCE since our 5k in June. I woke up this morning, way too early, thinking the same things I thought on the first Run for God day back in February....what if I can't do this, what if my health won't allow it, what if I'm just TOO fat, is it really worth all this, how do I get my kids motivated to do this with us. I KNOW I have already completed this course and finished a 5k, but somehow emotionally I am right back where I started. So today, I am a ball of nerves and craziness.
To tell the truth though, I think it has little to do with running or exercise in general, but more the state of my heart, emotions, and spiritual walk lately. I have tried to keep up with my "read thru the Bible" reading, and praying for friends and family daily constantly thru the day, but to say something is lacking lately is an understatement. 2 Sundays ago we had Charles Stanley on while getting ready for church and I was only half listening but he said something that got me. (I will have to paraphrase) He was talking about prayer and the different types and one of them was bullet prayers .. we shoot them out to God through out the day, and those are great but how long has it been since you sat at the feet of Jesus just because you wanted to be in His presence and just worship??? Immediately I knew it had been too long and I hungered for it right then. Very shortly after that someone in my family made a comment that I have heard a few times in my life and it always hits me like a knife "You are always so negative" OUCH!!!!
It is true I am pretty negative and how much I give out is a direct result of how little I have sat at the feet of my Jesus.
There are a few things in my life right now that I desperately want changed and I haven't truly prayed for God's will in it...I have prayed that God would change them the way I wanted them oh and "give me wisdom to know Your will". I DO want His will, I want to be actively participating in His will for my life, but I have been so negative lately that my thoughts/prayers have been very jaded.
When I allow time to go by without really being in relationship with Jesus Satan always knows that is the best time to attack. Whether it is my short temper with my family, just a laziness to time spent with the Father, anxiety, or negativity towards, let's be honest, pretty much anything and everything.
There are STILL some things in my life I want changed and I honestly believe it is ok to want that.....it is the why, the how, the when, the who that I have to quit trying to control and allow God to work in my heart FIRST, then pray for His will with no strings attached.
So maybe ultimately I DO know why I am having a day,maybe most likely it is my Savior calling my heart back to Him..it is the passage I read this morning Colossians 3:1-2 "Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."
"...You've searched much deeper within, through the way things appear. You're looking into my heart. I'm coming back to the heart of worship and it's all about You it's all about You Jesus. I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it when it's all about You, Jesus."
Run for God starts back up tonight and despite my best intentions I have not run ONCE since our 5k in June. I woke up this morning, way too early, thinking the same things I thought on the first Run for God day back in February....what if I can't do this, what if my health won't allow it, what if I'm just TOO fat, is it really worth all this, how do I get my kids motivated to do this with us. I KNOW I have already completed this course and finished a 5k, but somehow emotionally I am right back where I started. So today, I am a ball of nerves and craziness.
To tell the truth though, I think it has little to do with running or exercise in general, but more the state of my heart, emotions, and spiritual walk lately. I have tried to keep up with my "read thru the Bible" reading, and praying for friends and family daily constantly thru the day, but to say something is lacking lately is an understatement. 2 Sundays ago we had Charles Stanley on while getting ready for church and I was only half listening but he said something that got me. (I will have to paraphrase) He was talking about prayer and the different types and one of them was bullet prayers .. we shoot them out to God through out the day, and those are great but how long has it been since you sat at the feet of Jesus just because you wanted to be in His presence and just worship??? Immediately I knew it had been too long and I hungered for it right then. Very shortly after that someone in my family made a comment that I have heard a few times in my life and it always hits me like a knife "You are always so negative" OUCH!!!!
It is true I am pretty negative and how much I give out is a direct result of how little I have sat at the feet of my Jesus.
There are a few things in my life right now that I desperately want changed and I haven't truly prayed for God's will in it...I have prayed that God would change them the way I wanted them oh and "give me wisdom to know Your will". I DO want His will, I want to be actively participating in His will for my life, but I have been so negative lately that my thoughts/prayers have been very jaded.
When I allow time to go by without really being in relationship with Jesus Satan always knows that is the best time to attack. Whether it is my short temper with my family, just a laziness to time spent with the Father, anxiety, or negativity towards, let's be honest, pretty much anything and everything.
There are STILL some things in my life I want changed and I honestly believe it is ok to want that.....it is the why, the how, the when, the who that I have to quit trying to control and allow God to work in my heart FIRST, then pray for His will with no strings attached.
So maybe ultimately I DO know why I am having a day,
"...You've searched much deeper within, through the way things appear. You're looking into my heart. I'm coming back to the heart of worship and it's all about You it's all about You Jesus. I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it when it's all about You, Jesus."
Friday, June 3, 2011
Race day thoughts
So much has come and gone since my last entry...a lot I wanted to take the time to put down, but just didn't have a chance. Maybe I will be able to back track soon. Today, though, my mind is filled with thoughts of my first 5k tomorrow. If anyone had told me back before this all started in January that I would not only consider running, but running/walking in a 5k I would not only have laughed, I would have called you a liar and given all kinds of excuses. Yet here we are....I can't honestly say I can run all 3.1 miles, but I can run WAY more than I could in January. Training has been hard, but was going smoothly until April when foot issues set me back and I lost some training days. Then a pretty bad allergy/sinus infection had me running inside on the treadmill which is WAY different from running outside. Especially when this week we started hitting record breaking heat temps and I realized it is gonna be way hotter than I had originally thought on race day. This week I knew I had to get some running in outside. Tuesday night our Run for God group had agreed to meet at the Hixson High track to run our 3 miles. The hope was that by run time at 7:30p.m. it would have cooled off some. NOPE. It was probably around 98 degrees on a blacktop asphalt track....uuggghh. I hadn't eaten anything, I had never had issues with that on evening runs before, but I had been running inside. It was SO hot and I was so focused on not getting dehydrated I missed all the warning signs I know so well that my blood sugar was dropping. I was pretty determined that even if I had to walk since I was so hot I was gonna finish that 3 miles, but lap 8.5 (.5 lap from 2 miles) I realized I was in trouble. I was shaking and feeling like I was gonna faint and/or throw up. I made it to the bleachers where Rick was and let him know my sugar was bottoming out. My friend Carrie walked me to the car to get my glucose tablets and after a while all was well.
Needless to say if you know anything about me and my anxiety, that sent me for a tailspin. I fought my thoughts that whole night. I was suddenly VERY afraid of the heat and running in it....3 miles no less. Rick sent me a great story with a verse in it yesterday and it helped me get back on track with my thoughts. Last night we knew we had to do our last training run in the heat, but we waited until about 8:30 pm and hit the track. Our schedule was 2 miles and while I ran very little I finished my 2 miles and did a lot of praying. It was just what my anxious mind needed. To realize that I can be outside in the heat and exercise and be ok!!
So my thoughts as I head out in a bit to get my race pack and get a peek at the route are...1. You guys who run a lot amaze me!! Sometimes I feel silly being proud of my 2 or 3 miles when I know people running13-26 miles. Ya'll had to start at the bottom too though right?? 2. I really can't believe this is here and that I am gonna do this. 3. I am still nervous, but I'm kinda excited too.
Some things you could pray for me, Rick and the other Run for God friends.....obviously safety in the heat, and physical safety(no injuries),endurance, and that we will have fun! :)
I am praying that I would stay out of my head and lean into my Heavenly Father and stay focused on my music and the message. I am praying that God will Run along side me, be my biggest cheerleader, that He will give me each breath and I will know His presence. Maybe that sounds silly to you, but I say, all along this has truly been a journey for Rick and I WITH our Savior we want HIM to receive the glory for the finish.
Needless to say if you know anything about me and my anxiety, that sent me for a tailspin. I fought my thoughts that whole night. I was suddenly VERY afraid of the heat and running in it....3 miles no less. Rick sent me a great story with a verse in it yesterday and it helped me get back on track with my thoughts. Last night we knew we had to do our last training run in the heat, but we waited until about 8:30 pm and hit the track. Our schedule was 2 miles and while I ran very little I finished my 2 miles and did a lot of praying. It was just what my anxious mind needed. To realize that I can be outside in the heat and exercise and be ok!!
So my thoughts as I head out in a bit to get my race pack and get a peek at the route are...1. You guys who run a lot amaze me!! Sometimes I feel silly being proud of my 2 or 3 miles when I know people running13-26 miles. Ya'll had to start at the bottom too though right?? 2. I really can't believe this is here and that I am gonna do this. 3. I am still nervous, but I'm kinda excited too.
Some things you could pray for me, Rick and the other Run for God friends.....obviously safety in the heat, and physical safety(no injuries),endurance, and that we will have fun! :)
I am praying that I would stay out of my head and lean into my Heavenly Father and stay focused on my music and the message. I am praying that God will Run along side me, be my biggest cheerleader, that He will give me each breath and I will know His presence. Maybe that sounds silly to you, but I say, all along this has truly been a journey for Rick and I WITH our Savior we want HIM to receive the glory for the finish.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Who is the "Jonah" in this house?!?!?!?!
I am sitting down for the first time today....well unless you want to count the hours I logged in the car today... and I feel the need to write down all the craziness going through my mind.
2011 has been quite crazy for us already. Jan ~ Rick commits to a run (ok we can do this) @ Disney World (ok that is expensive but we will work it out, tax $ maybe??) Then here comes February and within days of receiving our income tax return we found out we had septic issues. Septic "issues" turns into new field lines and let's just say we weren't expecting that. We are incredibly grateful that God provided the money between income tax and a bonus from Rick's work we were able to pay for everything. Had it been any other time of yr we would have had no idea how we would have paid for it. BUT that leaves us wondering how do we pay for Disney and realizing buying a car this yr most likely won't happen. Oh, yeah did I not mention that?? Yes, we are a one car family I drive them all in the morning, then I go pick them up again in the afternoon. I have argued with God about this so often I can count it anymore. And again I say God is good. He has blessed us with one good car that can handle all the driving we do.
Training for Run for God has brought on aches and pains we sorta expected but kinda hope you don't get...Rick is having calf pain, Megan knee pain, and me...yeah well I never go the easy route - foot pain, I will explain in a minute. Last week was my birthday. I turned 35...gggrrrr. It has been quite yucky if I am being honest. Two days before my bday we are in the mall shopping for Easter clothes and Erika (who walk directly in front of me..ALWAYS) decided to stop walking ON MY FOOT. I DID NOT stop walking. Hence a tumble to the floor in the middle of the mall and I try to catch all of me (it isn't little!) on one hand/arm. Yup, you already know that doesn't work, sprained wrist and elbow. I decided though that it isn't broke so I will just trust God to heal, 'cuz I really can't afford 2 Dr. visits and my priority is my foot. That brings us up to this past Saturday the day before Easter....It is a yard work day. We (everyone but Erika) got into some poison ivy and I got some strange insect bite. Megan and Rick have swollen eyes and my arms and legs look like I have leprosy but we are a good Baptist family...... We suck it up and go to church. (I was just vain enough to stick my aching foot in some "cute" shoes, forget the pain!) By this morning Rick and Megan are miserable, swollen, and itchy. I head to the foot Dr. She gives me the news I was dreading..I'm gonna need a cortizon shot in my heel for plantar fasciitis and I have 3 warts she will shave and medicate (eeewww gross, I have never had a wart I was completely grossed out) and send me home with some crazy looking sock I should sleep in and some exercises I should do everyday and no running tomorrow (big sigh...can you hear my relief eeerr I mean dismay) Leave there, pick Rick take him to Urgent Care for a shot and a script, then pick up Megan for a shot and a script......
Finally driving home I am thinking of all this stuff and some personal things happening in our lives that I won't mention here (things that seem to be rocking our world) and I am thinking (screaming) @ God "WHO IS THE JONAH HERE??? What are we not doing that we should be doing?" Honestly, I felt like God laughed at me! It was like He was saying "Chill out girl, some of this is just life" I do think God is refining our family lately maybe even testing our faith, stretching us to see if we will crumble or press on. Today I have felt like crumbling a bit. In these tough times I always think of Shadrach, Meshach and Abendigo when they are about to be thrown in the fiery furnace and they tell the King 'The God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king, BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT...." I have always been afraid of the "But if He doesn't" what if He chooses NOT to remove this trial??? That makes me think of what Rick says over and over in Run for God "God gets all the glory for this" He is referring to the 5k yes, but also life. I want to come out of this (and each trial we face) and say God gets all the glory. I can't walk this road by myself if you know me much at all you know without my Jesus (and sometimes with) I am nut case. I NEED Him everyday, and I WANT Him to be pleased with how I respond to each trial, each testing, each stretching of my faith, and even just this crazy life and the normalcy of our craziness.
Before I sat down to whine I mean tell you about our journey right now I did what I do a lot these days. I sat down with my Bible and my list of verses that grows longer each year. The verses I can turn to when I know I need a promise from God, our maybe even a spanking, or a reality check. This afternoon I am hanging onto Ps. 61:5-8 5. Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. 6. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 7. My salvation and my honor depend on God; 8. Trust in him at all times, O people, pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah.
That's it, that's my insane thoughts for today. I gotta go soak myself in caladryl before I scratch my skin off.
2011 has been quite crazy for us already. Jan ~ Rick commits to a run (ok we can do this) @ Disney World (ok that is expensive but we will work it out, tax $ maybe??) Then here comes February and within days of receiving our income tax return we found out we had septic issues. Septic "issues" turns into new field lines and let's just say we weren't expecting that. We are incredibly grateful that God provided the money between income tax and a bonus from Rick's work we were able to pay for everything. Had it been any other time of yr we would have had no idea how we would have paid for it. BUT that leaves us wondering how do we pay for Disney and realizing buying a car this yr most likely won't happen. Oh, yeah did I not mention that?? Yes, we are a one car family I drive them all in the morning, then I go pick them up again in the afternoon. I have argued with God about this so often I can count it anymore. And again I say God is good. He has blessed us with one good car that can handle all the driving we do.
Training for Run for God has brought on aches and pains we sorta expected but kinda hope you don't get...Rick is having calf pain, Megan knee pain, and me...yeah well I never go the easy route - foot pain, I will explain in a minute. Last week was my birthday. I turned 35...gggrrrr. It has been quite yucky if I am being honest. Two days before my bday we are in the mall shopping for Easter clothes and Erika (who walk directly in front of me..ALWAYS) decided to stop walking ON MY FOOT. I DID NOT stop walking. Hence a tumble to the floor in the middle of the mall and I try to catch all of me (it isn't little!) on one hand/arm. Yup, you already know that doesn't work, sprained wrist and elbow. I decided though that it isn't broke so I will just trust God to heal, 'cuz I really can't afford 2 Dr. visits and my priority is my foot. That brings us up to this past Saturday the day before Easter....It is a yard work day. We (everyone but Erika) got into some poison ivy and I got some strange insect bite. Megan and Rick have swollen eyes and my arms and legs look like I have leprosy but we are a good Baptist family...... We suck it up and go to church. (I was just vain enough to stick my aching foot in some "cute" shoes, forget the pain!) By this morning Rick and Megan are miserable, swollen, and itchy. I head to the foot Dr. She gives me the news I was dreading..I'm gonna need a cortizon shot in my heel for plantar fasciitis and I have 3 warts she will shave and medicate (eeewww gross, I have never had a wart I was completely grossed out) and send me home with some crazy looking sock I should sleep in and some exercises I should do everyday and no running tomorrow (big sigh...can you hear my relief eeerr I mean dismay) Leave there, pick Rick take him to Urgent Care for a shot and a script, then pick up Megan for a shot and a script......
Finally driving home I am thinking of all this stuff and some personal things happening in our lives that I won't mention here (things that seem to be rocking our world) and I am thinking (screaming) @ God "WHO IS THE JONAH HERE??? What are we not doing that we should be doing?" Honestly, I felt like God laughed at me! It was like He was saying "Chill out girl, some of this is just life" I do think God is refining our family lately maybe even testing our faith, stretching us to see if we will crumble or press on. Today I have felt like crumbling a bit. In these tough times I always think of Shadrach, Meshach and Abendigo when they are about to be thrown in the fiery furnace and they tell the King 'The God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king, BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT...." I have always been afraid of the "But if He doesn't" what if He chooses NOT to remove this trial??? That makes me think of what Rick says over and over in Run for God "God gets all the glory for this" He is referring to the 5k yes, but also life. I want to come out of this (and each trial we face) and say God gets all the glory. I can't walk this road by myself if you know me much at all you know without my Jesus (and sometimes with) I am nut case. I NEED Him everyday, and I WANT Him to be pleased with how I respond to each trial, each testing, each stretching of my faith, and even just this crazy life and the normalcy of our craziness.
Before I sat down to whine I mean tell you about our journey right now I did what I do a lot these days. I sat down with my Bible and my list of verses that grows longer each year. The verses I can turn to when I know I need a promise from God, our maybe even a spanking, or a reality check. This afternoon I am hanging onto Ps. 61:5-8 5. Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. 6. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 7. My salvation and my honor depend on God; 8. Trust in him at all times, O people, pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah.
That's it, that's my insane thoughts for today. I gotta go soak myself in caladryl before I scratch my skin off.
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