Today Erika almost drove me crazy with the rolling her eyes and huffing at me like I was an idiot. Girl, don't make me be that mom that goes all crazy on your butt! Megan mumbled "Whatever" at me when I dropped her off at school and I told her to have a great day. "Girl, I will get out of this car and embarrass you in front of everybody chasing you down saying I LOVE YOU MEGAN!" She laughed and quietly said "Oh, I love you, bye" and closed the door and took off towards the school as quick as she could. She knew I would totally do it!
Almost everyday I wonder how it is possible that I am a mother of a 13 and 8 year old. I miss my kids being little so much it hurts my heart. I want to tell every mother of small ones I meet to treasure the moments, hang on to them, enjoy them. Set aside your "stuff" for Elmo, finger painting, play dough, the zoo, picnics, reading books, the park. Be patient with them, let them be little. Cuddle, sing to them, rock them.
The baby/pre-school years are stupid hard, they were for me, but they are some of the sweetest years if we slow down and enjoy them. I didn't do enough of that and man, I wish I could go back and do it over.
I was the mom who wished for the next stage, the next phase. Sometimes because I knew the next phase meant more independence and an easier time for me. Sometimes because I just loved to see them accomplish something new. The one thing I regret though was not enjoying enough the phase they were in at the moment.
We played a lot, laughed a lot, did special things together just not enough.
My kids are in some difficult stages right now. Erika, so close to the tween years I can see them coming. The attitude, oh my goodness, she is like a different person. Megan, half way through her first year as a teen and all the awkwardness that middle school years bring. Torn between feeling grown, but still wanting to be a kid. Yet, even though these can be some difficult ages they are also some of the most fun; it really depends on the day maybe even the hour.
My girls are C.R.A.Z.Y!!! I love it, though. I love that they both have a sense of humor that leaves me rolling in the floor, tears of laughter streaming down my face. I love that they love to laugh. I love their amazing smiles and their wit. I love their personalities that were just blooming when they were little, but now I can see them in all their glory. When they were little Rick and I used to sit and talk about what kind of girls/women they would be. I love that we are starting to see that now.
I'm trying so hard these days to set aside my desires, the things I want to do in a day, and focus more on them. I believe my girls need to have responsibilities around the home, I believe they need to learn to cook, do laundry, clean, be responsible for their things and themselves. They are old enough for that. I am learning that there is no reason I can't do these things WITH them, along side them, making them fun. I'm also learning sometimes we can set aside the things we need to do and do some things we want to do, having fun is needed. I am still learning that it isn't just about training them up in the way they should go but also about enjoying the blessings God trusted me with while I still have the time.
Some days I want to go back and redo it, and given the chance (with what I know now) I would do it all better or at least different. Some days I just adore the life stage that we are in now. It is hard, frustrating, and sometimes heartbreaking to see choices they make and choices I make. It is also fun, amazing, life changing, and so rewarding. As hard as it can be, as disappointing as it can sometimes be, those 2 girls are the laughter in my day, they amaze me with their intelligence, they inspire me to do better.
I am in awe that God trusted me to mother these 2 amazing people. Knowing what He knew about me, the terrible choices I made in the past and the ones I would make in the future with them, He still chose me to be their mother. Some days I take it too lightly, and other days it blows me away. Today, it blows me away!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Brave, Stupid, or Crazy?!?!?
Today started like most any day. Up early, packing lunches, making breakfast (read: cereal, banana, yogurt, fix it yourself or go hungry), answering yells of "could you throw up stairs my....",shouting out the time so people will get their butts in gear and getting my family out the door. Next is my favorite loneliest/most sad (do you believe me HA) part of the day. It is finally quiet I can do my quiet time, play around on the computer enjoy a small breakfast and plan out my day.
This week I have been especially lazy when it comes to my quiet time and last night as I was trying to sleep I realized that just like always when I don't spend time in the Word and alone time with my Jesus my attitude is horrible. Throw in not sleeping well and I was due a good spanking from my Heavenly Father for my attitude this week, and boy did I get it.
This morning as I was driving home from taking Child 1 to school I began to pour out my sins to my Father and committed to do my quiet time as soon as I got the Hubby and Child 2 out the door. I read Romans 11 and 12 this morning and realized while I had confessed some sins this a.m. God wasn't done showing me what else I needed to take care of. Romans 12:3-5, 9-16 was were I knew without a doubt I was getting reprimanded and getting that spanking I deserved. I'm not gonna tell you what I did, that is between He and I. I'm also not gonna tell you what those verses say, if you really want to know go read it, you may need it too. Hehehe.
After I had read my Bible I was in the shower and thinking through what I had read, confessing (again), praying for wisdom and strength to do the right things when I heard a loud knocking sound. You have to understand here that last year we had someone snooping around our back porch and I'm pretty sure they got scared off when they heard me coming. We also had someone last year tampering with the gas tank on our car like they were trying to steal gas. We ALSO had a home invasion in the neighborhood behind us 2 weeks ago. SO....Que the music to Psycho in my head! I am peaking around the curtains and locking the bathroom door and thinking about what I'm gonna do.
I worked out what I was going to say to the Psycho that had obviously decided to invade my home. Que the Rocky music... I was going to tell him that he was pretty stupid coming into MY house. He had no idea who he was messing with. I was going to tell him that maybe he would take my life today, but he needed to know I was a child of God and someday somewhere my Father and His mighty warriors would get him and he WOULD pay for touching one of God's children. It played out in my mind 3 ways. One way the guy decides he wants to know more about Jesus. One way the guy decides I'm the psycho and leaves. The last way, dude kills me.
I got out of the shower and got dressed because I for sure wasn't going head to head with someone in a towel! I grabbed Rick's knife and headed out to get me some stupid person.
I found out rather quickly the loud noise was my dishwasher. There were no home invaders who needed to meet my Jesus or who were going to send me to meet Him face to face.
There was only a noisy dishwasher and one stupid/crazy person standing there with a knife in her hand who most likely would NOT have told a burglar anything like what she planned out in her head, but most likely would have just screamed her fool head off!
This week I have been especially lazy when it comes to my quiet time and last night as I was trying to sleep I realized that just like always when I don't spend time in the Word and alone time with my Jesus my attitude is horrible. Throw in not sleeping well and I was due a good spanking from my Heavenly Father for my attitude this week, and boy did I get it.
This morning as I was driving home from taking Child 1 to school I began to pour out my sins to my Father and committed to do my quiet time as soon as I got the Hubby and Child 2 out the door. I read Romans 11 and 12 this morning and realized while I had confessed some sins this a.m. God wasn't done showing me what else I needed to take care of. Romans 12:3-5, 9-16 was were I knew without a doubt I was getting reprimanded and getting that spanking I deserved. I'm not gonna tell you what I did, that is between He and I. I'm also not gonna tell you what those verses say, if you really want to know go read it, you may need it too. Hehehe.
After I had read my Bible I was in the shower and thinking through what I had read, confessing (again), praying for wisdom and strength to do the right things when I heard a loud knocking sound. You have to understand here that last year we had someone snooping around our back porch and I'm pretty sure they got scared off when they heard me coming. We also had someone last year tampering with the gas tank on our car like they were trying to steal gas. We ALSO had a home invasion in the neighborhood behind us 2 weeks ago. SO....Que the music to Psycho in my head! I am peaking around the curtains and locking the bathroom door and thinking about what I'm gonna do.
I worked out what I was going to say to the Psycho that had obviously decided to invade my home. Que the Rocky music... I was going to tell him that he was pretty stupid coming into MY house. He had no idea who he was messing with. I was going to tell him that maybe he would take my life today, but he needed to know I was a child of God and someday somewhere my Father and His mighty warriors would get him and he WOULD pay for touching one of God's children. It played out in my mind 3 ways. One way the guy decides he wants to know more about Jesus. One way the guy decides I'm the psycho and leaves. The last way, dude kills me.
I got out of the shower and got dressed because I for sure wasn't going head to head with someone in a towel! I grabbed Rick's knife and headed out to get me some stupid person.
I found out rather quickly the loud noise was my dishwasher. There were no home invaders who needed to meet my Jesus or who were going to send me to meet Him face to face.
There was only a noisy dishwasher and one stupid/crazy person standing there with a knife in her hand who most likely would NOT have told a burglar anything like what she planned out in her head, but most likely would have just screamed her fool head off!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Farewell 2011
When I first started thinking about the past year and what I wanted to blog about I originally was thinking what a terrible year it was. Then I read some things some other friends have gone through and really began to reflect on this year and realized while it has had some tough challenges it was not as bad as it could have been.
We made some pretty big lifestyle changes with running and eating this year. We can tell a difference even though you may not be able to since a lot of the changes have been internal (emotionally as well as health wise). We were truly inspired to keep working towards our goal when we got to witness my cousin's husband Gary finish his first marathon.Of course, I can't forget we ran our first 5k in June. I never would have thought I could or would do something like that, but I DID IT!!!!
We cancelled our trip to Disney where Rick was going to run his first half marathon because our septic system "died" and we spent all of our Disney money putting new field lines in our house. It was incredibly disappointing to realize we wouldn't be able to make it but knew that God was in it. We had just received our tax return and Rick had just gotten a large bonus from work and so we had the money on hand to pay for it all. Had it happened any other time of the year we would not have had the funds.
In March we got to go to Texas to see me grandparents for the first time in over 2 years. It was bittersweet for sure. To see my grandmother with Alzheimer's was heartbreaking. I will be forever thankful for the time I got with her while she still knew who I was.
We survived the tornadoes of April 27th, one touching down about a mile from our house. We could see God's protective hand on us when we walked out of our house and there were trees down all around us and homes destroyed everywhere, but we were fine. It was overwhelming to say the least.
I had my first ever "speaking engagement". I spoke at my mom's church at their mother-daughter banquet. I spoke on Trusting God. Satan had attacked before this event, but even harder since. Trusting Him, Fearing not, not being anxious are areas that have been such a struggle this year. Anxiety for me this year has been worse than it has ever been, and yet God has taught me so much this year. I'm looking forward to the day I do not struggle with fear and anxiety. It may not be until I get to Heaven, but I hope not.
I have made several new friends this year, most of them out of discovering we have walked the same difficult road in some way or the other . I am always thankful for new friends. I have also gotten to know some people better that I have known for awhile and I love that too. I also have relationships I have to do better on, even seek some healing in. That is one of my prayers for this new year.
I have seen so many people I care about struggle this year. Whether it was cancer, other illnesses, marriage struggles, children issues, depression, loss or other things. I have spent a whole lot of time in prayer for so many this year and while I wish hard times never happened it has been an honor to lift so many up to my Father. It has been a healing balm for me on days when I felt anxiety would swallow me whole to take my eyes off myself and lift others up. To stand in the gap for them. I have loved seeing answered prayer and I am looking forward to more of them this year.
We became parents of a teenager this year. AAHHHH! When Megan was born I immediately began to worry about 2 things. Potty training and teen years. We survived potty training, I'm not so sure about the teen years :D That makes me pray a lot too. Seriously though, I don't want to rush these years and I don't want to hate them. We have our issues but all in all she is a GREAT kid and I adore her.
Erika is still a mama's girl and I have decided she will probably never leave home. :D She still keeps us laughing, but she is also entering the tween years. Oh, the attitude that comes out and I begin to wonder what happened to the complacent little girl?? She is such a giving person, who loves to make people laugh and do whatever to keep the peace. I am truly blessed.
There is so much more that has happened in our life, but there is one other thing that I want to remember about this year. Today I finished reading through the Bible in a year for the first time. I have read it through one other time, but it took me almost 3 years. I don't know if it is right or wrong to be proud of that, but I am. Not just because I finished it, but because all the things I learned with my Savior this year. The times when I could read some passage back to Him as praise, or as a cry of my heart. The tear stained pages, the notes in the margin, the underlines...all evidence of my walk with my Jesus this year. That will be my favorite thing that happened in 2011.
So I welcome 2012, and wonder what it will hold for me and my family. I wonder what it will hold for my extended family and my friends and all those I have prayed for in 2011. Tonight I am thankful that even though I started out thinking this has been a terrible year I realized that a lot of it was just living life. Living the ups and downs of life with the amazing people God blessed me with. It wasn't all bad after all, it actually was pretty ok.
Happy New Year!!!
We made some pretty big lifestyle changes with running and eating this year. We can tell a difference even though you may not be able to since a lot of the changes have been internal (emotionally as well as health wise). We were truly inspired to keep working towards our goal when we got to witness my cousin's husband Gary finish his first marathon.Of course, I can't forget we ran our first 5k in June. I never would have thought I could or would do something like that, but I DID IT!!!!
We cancelled our trip to Disney where Rick was going to run his first half marathon because our septic system "died" and we spent all of our Disney money putting new field lines in our house. It was incredibly disappointing to realize we wouldn't be able to make it but knew that God was in it. We had just received our tax return and Rick had just gotten a large bonus from work and so we had the money on hand to pay for it all. Had it happened any other time of the year we would not have had the funds.
In March we got to go to Texas to see me grandparents for the first time in over 2 years. It was bittersweet for sure. To see my grandmother with Alzheimer's was heartbreaking. I will be forever thankful for the time I got with her while she still knew who I was.
We survived the tornadoes of April 27th, one touching down about a mile from our house. We could see God's protective hand on us when we walked out of our house and there were trees down all around us and homes destroyed everywhere, but we were fine. It was overwhelming to say the least.
I had my first ever "speaking engagement". I spoke at my mom's church at their mother-daughter banquet. I spoke on Trusting God. Satan had attacked before this event, but even harder since. Trusting Him, Fearing not, not being anxious are areas that have been such a struggle this year. Anxiety for me this year has been worse than it has ever been, and yet God has taught me so much this year. I'm looking forward to the day I do not struggle with fear and anxiety. It may not be until I get to Heaven, but I hope not.
I have made several new friends this year, most of them out of discovering we have walked the same difficult road in some way or the other . I am always thankful for new friends. I have also gotten to know some people better that I have known for awhile and I love that too. I also have relationships I have to do better on, even seek some healing in. That is one of my prayers for this new year.
I have seen so many people I care about struggle this year. Whether it was cancer, other illnesses, marriage struggles, children issues, depression, loss or other things. I have spent a whole lot of time in prayer for so many this year and while I wish hard times never happened it has been an honor to lift so many up to my Father. It has been a healing balm for me on days when I felt anxiety would swallow me whole to take my eyes off myself and lift others up. To stand in the gap for them. I have loved seeing answered prayer and I am looking forward to more of them this year.
We became parents of a teenager this year. AAHHHH! When Megan was born I immediately began to worry about 2 things. Potty training and teen years. We survived potty training, I'm not so sure about the teen years :D That makes me pray a lot too. Seriously though, I don't want to rush these years and I don't want to hate them. We have our issues but all in all she is a GREAT kid and I adore her.
Erika is still a mama's girl and I have decided she will probably never leave home. :D She still keeps us laughing, but she is also entering the tween years. Oh, the attitude that comes out and I begin to wonder what happened to the complacent little girl?? She is such a giving person, who loves to make people laugh and do whatever to keep the peace. I am truly blessed.
There is so much more that has happened in our life, but there is one other thing that I want to remember about this year. Today I finished reading through the Bible in a year for the first time. I have read it through one other time, but it took me almost 3 years. I don't know if it is right or wrong to be proud of that, but I am. Not just because I finished it, but because all the things I learned with my Savior this year. The times when I could read some passage back to Him as praise, or as a cry of my heart. The tear stained pages, the notes in the margin, the underlines...all evidence of my walk with my Jesus this year. That will be my favorite thing that happened in 2011.
So I welcome 2012, and wonder what it will hold for me and my family. I wonder what it will hold for my extended family and my friends and all those I have prayed for in 2011. Tonight I am thankful that even though I started out thinking this has been a terrible year I realized that a lot of it was just living life. Living the ups and downs of life with the amazing people God blessed me with. It wasn't all bad after all, it actually was pretty ok.
Happy New Year!!!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
A Healthier Landess Family
The road to weight loss a healthier life has a lot of ups and downs. I realize, of course, I am not stating anything profound or some bit of new information to anyone.
Most everyone knows about our decision to start running at the beginning of this year, and you probably know our family struggles with weight issues. The running triggered something in this family that I hope never dies out. A strong desire to be healthy. It has been a roller coaster of "stuff" with running and eating habits all year long. The two never seemed to match up, we were never exercising AND eating right. Obviously the two together work best :).
We have made a lot of life style changes this last year. Slowly, one step at a time, trial and error, starts and stops, failures, and victories...we have learned a lot. Some of the things we have done are.. take out processed food from our diet (almost completely, you may find a few things in our pantry but not much), making most everything from scratch, adding lots of veggies, some fruits, and low fat meats, buying organic when it is on sale and we can afford it, eating more fish and chicken and less red meat (I love red meat so it will never leave our diet completely), we have switched from white bread/flour/pasta to whole wheat and whole grain and very few carbs in a day, drinking way more water, and running (not so much lately), zumba, Just Dance (don't laugh it is a great workout!!).
We love to find and try new recipes so this year we have not given into "diet food" salad and bland stuff. We have really enjoyed searching for and trying new recipes and we will just keep doing that. We have realized that to make lifestyle changes, not go on a diet, we had to find foods we loved to eat. We have not made all these changes at once, but little bits here and there and it has been a lot of ups and downs.
Last week I stumbled upon a blog (http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/what-i-miss-from-135lbs-ago/) about a college girl who lost 135 #s and she loves to cook. Obviously we love to cook (and eat) so I was intrigued and decided to read some. The blog post I read was about what she missed from being overweight and what she love about being 135#s thinner. I never had thought about anything good about being overweight and it made me think. I obviously have a long way to go to be where I need to be HEALTHY (not skinny), but I decided to write what I miss about "not giving a crap" about what I eat, and what I look forward to about being in better shape.
What I miss....The simplicity of processed food, just grabbing something and heating it up. I get tired of cooking all the time. Chips, oh my word I miss chips!! Pizza. Eating out (we eat out some but not like before). Eating out at a buffet and eating till I thought I might be sick (ok maybe I don't miss that one a whole lot). Diet Coke. The comfort from junk food, especially if eaten while watching a chick flick.
What I don't miss...Hating myself for every bite of junk I ate, feeling sick from eating so much crap, the sadness that comes with comforting myself with food.
What I am looking forward to....being healthy, being off meds, being able to run without wondering if it will kill me, being fit and healthy as a family, being able to look my girls in the eye and know I didn't make good choices for them early on but we changed it together, shopping in the cute clothes department.
You should read this girls blog she puts it so much better than I and I can so relate!
I am not to the "healthy" point I want to be at yet, but I am healthier today than I was on Jan 1,2011 even though I am not a whole lot skinnier (13#s down and a WHOLE lot more to go). My goal is a healthier Landess family and a little skinnier wouldn't be so bad either!
Most everyone knows about our decision to start running at the beginning of this year, and you probably know our family struggles with weight issues. The running triggered something in this family that I hope never dies out. A strong desire to be healthy. It has been a roller coaster of "stuff" with running and eating habits all year long. The two never seemed to match up, we were never exercising AND eating right. Obviously the two together work best :).
We have made a lot of life style changes this last year. Slowly, one step at a time, trial and error, starts and stops, failures, and victories...we have learned a lot. Some of the things we have done are.. take out processed food from our diet (almost completely, you may find a few things in our pantry but not much), making most everything from scratch, adding lots of veggies, some fruits, and low fat meats, buying organic when it is on sale and we can afford it, eating more fish and chicken and less red meat (I love red meat so it will never leave our diet completely), we have switched from white bread/flour/pasta to whole wheat and whole grain and very few carbs in a day, drinking way more water, and running (not so much lately), zumba, Just Dance (don't laugh it is a great workout!!).
We love to find and try new recipes so this year we have not given into "diet food" salad and bland stuff. We have really enjoyed searching for and trying new recipes and we will just keep doing that. We have realized that to make lifestyle changes, not go on a diet, we had to find foods we loved to eat. We have not made all these changes at once, but little bits here and there and it has been a lot of ups and downs.
Last week I stumbled upon a blog (http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/what-i-miss-from-135lbs-ago/) about a college girl who lost 135 #s and she loves to cook. Obviously we love to cook (and eat) so I was intrigued and decided to read some. The blog post I read was about what she missed from being overweight and what she love about being 135#s thinner. I never had thought about anything good about being overweight and it made me think. I obviously have a long way to go to be where I need to be HEALTHY (not skinny), but I decided to write what I miss about "not giving a crap" about what I eat, and what I look forward to about being in better shape.
What I miss....The simplicity of processed food, just grabbing something and heating it up. I get tired of cooking all the time. Chips, oh my word I miss chips!! Pizza. Eating out (we eat out some but not like before). Eating out at a buffet and eating till I thought I might be sick (ok maybe I don't miss that one a whole lot). Diet Coke. The comfort from junk food, especially if eaten while watching a chick flick.
What I don't miss...Hating myself for every bite of junk I ate, feeling sick from eating so much crap, the sadness that comes with comforting myself with food.
What I am looking forward to....being healthy, being off meds, being able to run without wondering if it will kill me, being fit and healthy as a family, being able to look my girls in the eye and know I didn't make good choices for them early on but we changed it together, shopping in the cute clothes department.
You should read this girls blog she puts it so much better than I and I can so relate!
I am not to the "healthy" point I want to be at yet, but I am healthier today than I was on Jan 1,2011 even though I am not a whole lot skinnier (13#s down and a WHOLE lot more to go). My goal is a healthier Landess family and a little skinnier wouldn't be so bad either!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Good Grief
I think the older I get the more of a clutz I become. It is really irritating.
You know that moment when you spend a good 15 min chopping up veggies for a "good for you" salad when you really want pizza. You put turkey on it instead of fried chicken. And a healthy vinaigrette instead of bleu cheese. Oh, who am I kidding, I did use the bleu cheese, but only a little!! (the rest is true though!) Then you decide to put just a little Season Salt on it to add a little flavor and oh snap you open the wrong part of the lid and dump HALF the stupid salt on one section of your salad. Seriously, does anyone else know what I am talking about??? Am I the only clutz around here??
So the question before me was can I save the salad or make another one. Darn it, I have no desire to make another one. So I scrape as much salt as I can out...there goes my precious little bit of bleu cheese. If I stir it good I can spread out the salt through the salad AND I may get a little taste of dressing in each bite. Just to be sure I will have a HUGE glass of water to drink. I tried to eat it (I hate waste, I really do!) but even with a ton of water to drink I couldn't handle it. I still have no desire to make another salad so I decide I will just make a toasted turkey and cheese sandwich. I burnt that stupid toast!
Forget it, I will just have a spoon of peanut butter!
You know that moment when you spend a good 15 min chopping up veggies for a "good for you" salad when you really want pizza. You put turkey on it instead of fried chicken. And a healthy vinaigrette instead of bleu cheese. Oh, who am I kidding, I did use the bleu cheese, but only a little!! (the rest is true though!) Then you decide to put just a little Season Salt on it to add a little flavor and oh snap you open the wrong part of the lid and dump HALF the stupid salt on one section of your salad. Seriously, does anyone else know what I am talking about??? Am I the only clutz around here??
So the question before me was can I save the salad or make another one. Darn it, I have no desire to make another one. So I scrape as much salt as I can out...there goes my precious little bit of bleu cheese. If I stir it good I can spread out the salt through the salad AND I may get a little taste of dressing in each bite. Just to be sure I will have a HUGE glass of water to drink. I tried to eat it (I hate waste, I really do!) but even with a ton of water to drink I couldn't handle it. I still have no desire to make another salad so I decide I will just make a toasted turkey and cheese sandwich. I burnt that stupid toast!
Forget it, I will just have a spoon of peanut butter!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Beauty From Ashes
God is pretty amazing! The last week or so God has just proved Himself over and over for Rick and I.
There are things you learn in church and spout off in Sunday School, small groups, or in conversations with people. You say them with great intentions and a true belief in what your are saying and then God moves in your life to actually PROVE His promises to you. It leaves me so in awe of Him and His unending love for me.
If you had told Rick or I 17+ yrs ago (or even some times in the course of our marriage) that God would take our tragedies, our poor choices, our angers, our hurts, our rebellious hearts, our bitterness, and our failures and use them for His glory we would have not only laughed but called you a liar. He has done just that though. God has worked those past situations that were so painful, so life altering, and so ugly and used them for His glory in our own lives. We would never have believed we would be praying in public (me), or teaching a class (Rick), or meeting with people to share our experiences with them (both of us). He changed us both from something so unlike Christ to people who want to point others to Christ.
God has allowed us to do things over the years for Him and He has put people in our path that we have first hand experience in what they are going through and we can come alongside them. Lately, God has put numerous situations in both of our lives that He has "required" us to draw from our past failures and hurts to help someone else. It has been painful at times for us, going back is never easy you relive your mistakes and the pain they caused you as well as others. At the same time it is so awesome to see where God has brought us through it all. It is humbling to know that God can use us and not just that He can but that He wants to use us. Sometimes it has been conversations directly with someone, sometimes it has been standing in the gap for someone in prayer, sometimes it has been a group conversation, sometimes it has been a txt/card/email. In all these situations, though, God has called us to get involved in people's lives to get in the trenches with them, to tell them " God can and will do it for me and HE can and will do it for you".
I have been so awed by my Savior this past week and I think I can speak for my husband and say he has been too. We have not arrived by any means and still have our own struggles daily. We have just been amazed by God lately and His desire to use us in other peoples lives. He truly does make beauty from our ashes!
"He has sent me ...... to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." Isaiah 61:2-3
"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.
A time to weep and a time to laugh. A time mourn and a time to dance" Ecclesiastes 3 :1,4
There are things you learn in church and spout off in Sunday School, small groups, or in conversations with people. You say them with great intentions and a true belief in what your are saying and then God moves in your life to actually PROVE His promises to you. It leaves me so in awe of Him and His unending love for me.
If you had told Rick or I 17+ yrs ago (or even some times in the course of our marriage) that God would take our tragedies, our poor choices, our angers, our hurts, our rebellious hearts, our bitterness, and our failures and use them for His glory we would have not only laughed but called you a liar. He has done just that though. God has worked those past situations that were so painful, so life altering, and so ugly and used them for His glory in our own lives. We would never have believed we would be praying in public (me), or teaching a class (Rick), or meeting with people to share our experiences with them (both of us). He changed us both from something so unlike Christ to people who want to point others to Christ.
God has allowed us to do things over the years for Him and He has put people in our path that we have first hand experience in what they are going through and we can come alongside them. Lately, God has put numerous situations in both of our lives that He has "required" us to draw from our past failures and hurts to help someone else. It has been painful at times for us, going back is never easy you relive your mistakes and the pain they caused you as well as others. At the same time it is so awesome to see where God has brought us through it all. It is humbling to know that God can use us and not just that He can but that He wants to use us. Sometimes it has been conversations directly with someone, sometimes it has been standing in the gap for someone in prayer, sometimes it has been a group conversation, sometimes it has been a txt/card/email. In all these situations, though, God has called us to get involved in people's lives to get in the trenches with them, to tell them " God can and will do it for me and HE can and will do it for you".
I have been so awed by my Savior this past week and I think I can speak for my husband and say he has been too. We have not arrived by any means and still have our own struggles daily. We have just been amazed by God lately and His desire to use us in other peoples lives. He truly does make beauty from our ashes!
"He has sent me ...... to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." Isaiah 61:2-3
"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.
A time to weep and a time to laugh. A time mourn and a time to dance" Ecclesiastes 3 :1,4
Thursday, October 27, 2011
She Is 8 Today
I am 100% sure God knew what He was doing when He put my babies' birthdays so close together(on the calender, they are 5 yrs apart), but I can tell you it can be a bit difficult on this mommies heart. Actually they were both due on the exact same day (Nov 7th) neither made it to that day, and I am thankful they don't share a birthday.Many of you may know our story of how we came to have our 2nd miracle baby, since some of you may not I will share. When Megan was around 2 we decided we wanted to add to our family. Since we got pregnant so quickly after we married we assumed this would be an easy thing.....God had other plans. I had my second miscarriage when Megan was around a year and a half (my first miscarriage was before Megan) in a time when we were not trying to have another baby and it was difficult, but I chose to try to put it out of my mind. We had Megan after all. So when I got pregnant again shortly after we decided we wanted another and began spotting the same day we found out I rushed to the Dr. who told me it was already too late. I was having my 3rd miscarriage. My heart was crushing in all around me. NOT AGAIN!!!! The Dr. scheduled me for a D and C that next evening and I felt numb. I worried that maybe the baby was ok and we should not go through with the procedure. He and others assured me the baby was already gone, but the procedure was necessary. By the time I came out of surgery and recovery they told me with such apology that the only empty beds were in the mother/baby area....REALLY GOD?!?!?! You want me to recover tonight on a floor where all these women are holding their babies and I am mourning the loss of yet another????????? My parents were there waiting for me and as they wheeled me in the room my dad asked me if I was ok and did I need anything? I said NO I was not ok and I needed to go home. The nurse said in order to go home I had to be able to get up on my own and go to bathroom without assistance. I said "bring me some water" I was getting out of there! There was no way I would stay overnight in this environment.
From there my heart was slow to heal and we tried for 2 more years, but there were no more pregnancies. My heart became hard and bitter and angry at God. This would be the time I began to struggle with anxiety. We tried shots and other things to assist the process anything short of In Vitro we tried it. My Dr. (who is amazing by the way) decided to run some tests and figure out what was going on. We learned that I have Anti-cardiolipin antibodies in my blood (it is in the lupus family) which means my blood tends to clot. When I am pregnant I can get blood clots that cause miscarriages. (add that to the low progesterone I also have). Getting pregnant and staying pregnant with this is incredibly difficult and the risks get higher with every pregnancy and every miscarriage. I was in a full out fight with God now. Thankfully, He didn't give up on me. In depression and anxiety I knew I had to do something to change for my husband and for the child God had already gifted me with. I began to diligently search God's Word for verses on Trust and His Faithfulness. I HAD to believe He was trustworthy and He was Faithful. In the last yr of our 2 and 1/2 yrs of trying for another baby and watching other women have babies God proved to me He is exactly who He says He is and He will do exactly what He says He will do. I HAD to come to the place where if He never gave us another baby I would still love Him, and I would still choose to serve Him. It was one of the sweetest places yet most difficult places in my walk with my Jesus I have ever been. The peace He gave me was unimaginable. We, Rick and I, decided it was time to stop the shots and hormone pills and give away all the baby stuff we were hanging on to. A few weeks later WE WERE PREGNANT!!!!!!!
(This was all before the "Facing The Giants" movie, but I assure you tears were streaming for both Rick and I when we saw it because we could have personally written that part of the story) I rushed to the Dr as soon as I saw the positive sign, the ultrasound showed things looked well, but we weren't taking chances we began that nasty progesterone immediately for 12 weeks. Added to that, this time I would be giving myself blood thinner shots in my abdomen 3x a day. Other than being sick the whole time again and the shots the pregnancy went smoothly. Because of my history of a positive strep test and a breaking up placenta my Dr. decided we needed to induce early. On October 27th 2003 we met our second (and final) miracle baby Erika Hope Landess. She was named Erika after Rick and Hope because we had put all of our hope in our Amazing God.
She has been a momma's girl from day 1. She is feisty and hilarious. She tends to be a bit fearful like me and God is teaching me so that I can teach her. She has an amazing passion for her family, she hates arguments she desperately wants her family to get along and love each other. She thinks Megan hung the moon. Her salvation means a lot to her and she wants to do what God wants her to. She keeps us rolling in the floor with laughter wondering where in the world she comes up with these things. She is the gift we thought we would never receive and had learned to accept. I am so crazy glad God chose to intrust her to Rick and I. She is affectionate and compassionate, a peacemaker and the very thing this family needed to complete it. She is proof that God IS forgiving, faithful, and trustworthy.
Daddy and I love you so much baby! Happy 8th Birthday Erika Hope!!!
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