Today Erika almost drove me crazy with the rolling her eyes and huffing at me like I was an idiot. Girl, don't make me be that mom that goes all crazy on your butt! Megan mumbled "Whatever" at me when I dropped her off at school and I told her to have a great day. "Girl, I will get out of this car and embarrass you in front of everybody chasing you down saying I LOVE YOU MEGAN!" She laughed and quietly said "Oh, I love you, bye" and closed the door and took off towards the school as quick as she could. She knew I would totally do it!
Almost everyday I wonder how it is possible that I am a mother of a 13 and 8 year old. I miss my kids being little so much it hurts my heart. I want to tell every mother of small ones I meet to treasure the moments, hang on to them, enjoy them. Set aside your "stuff" for Elmo, finger painting, play dough, the zoo, picnics, reading books, the park. Be patient with them, let them be little. Cuddle, sing to them, rock them.
The baby/pre-school years are stupid hard, they were for me, but they are some of the sweetest years if we slow down and enjoy them. I didn't do enough of that and man, I wish I could go back and do it over.
I was the mom who wished for the next stage, the next phase. Sometimes because I knew the next phase meant more independence and an easier time for me. Sometimes because I just loved to see them accomplish something new. The one thing I regret though was not enjoying enough the phase they were in at the moment.
We played a lot, laughed a lot, did special things together just not enough.
My kids are in some difficult stages right now. Erika, so close to the tween years I can see them coming. The attitude, oh my goodness, she is like a different person. Megan, half way through her first year as a teen and all the awkwardness that middle school years bring. Torn between feeling grown, but still wanting to be a kid. Yet, even though these can be some difficult ages they are also some of the most fun; it really depends on the day maybe even the hour.
My girls are C.R.A.Z.Y!!! I love it, though. I love that they both have a sense of humor that leaves me rolling in the floor, tears of laughter streaming down my face. I love that they love to laugh. I love their amazing smiles and their wit. I love their personalities that were just blooming when they were little, but now I can see them in all their glory. When they were little Rick and I used to sit and talk about what kind of girls/women they would be. I love that we are starting to see that now.
I'm trying so hard these days to set aside my desires, the things I want to do in a day, and focus more on them. I believe my girls need to have responsibilities around the home, I believe they need to learn to cook, do laundry, clean, be responsible for their things and themselves. They are old enough for that. I am learning that there is no reason I can't do these things WITH them, along side them, making them fun. I'm also learning sometimes we can set aside the things we need to do and do some things we want to do, having fun is needed. I am still learning that it isn't just about training them up in the way they should go but also about enjoying the blessings God trusted me with while I still have the time.
Some days I want to go back and redo it, and given the chance (with what I know now) I would do it all better or at least different. Some days I just adore the life stage that we are in now. It is hard, frustrating, and sometimes heartbreaking to see choices they make and choices I make. It is also fun, amazing, life changing, and so rewarding. As hard as it can be, as disappointing as it can sometimes be, those 2 girls are the laughter in my day, they amaze me with their intelligence, they inspire me to do better.
I am in awe that God trusted me to mother these 2 amazing people. Knowing what He knew about me, the terrible choices I made in the past and the ones I would make in the future with them, He still chose me to be their mother. Some days I take it too lightly, and other days it blows me away. Today, it blows me away!
