Today I have my Erika home with me. She isn't sick I know that now. She gets up a lot of mornings and says she doesn't feel good usually I talk her through it and off she goes. Today though I let her stay with me.
I left her laying on the couch so I could have my quiet time. When I came back to check on her she was having some goldfish and laughing at a show. She seemed fine.
So I asked her to mute the T.V. and lets talk.
I have noticed that she has been bit of a worry wart since the tornadoes in April, but it hasn't just been towards storms. I told her I noticed she gets a tummy ache almost every morning and when I told her she could stay home today it went right away so it seems she is getting nervous about going to school. I had it in my mind my girl must be getting bullied, or was struggling in some way in class. What she said shocked me and broke my mommy heart!
She is afraid that people are gonna make fun of her because she is "fat" (her words not mine). I asked her if people WERE making fun of her or if that is what she thinks. There have been a few snide comments, but mostly she said she THINKS that is what people are thinking of her especially new people she doesn't know.
We spoke for a little longer then I came to my room to sit with my Jesus with my thoughts. At first I was SO angry at our society that would teach any girl, but especially girls who are SO young, about body image. That my 7 yr old would use the word fat in description of herself and it has her all tore up.
Then my thoughts shifted, I realized I have taught my daughter 2 things that are not valuable to her in any way. How to worry and how to over eat. Two things I am skilled at, two things I never wanted to pass down to my children.
I sat and talked with the only One who knows and understands my heart on this matter. The One who understands that what I want to do with worry and food I do not do. The One who created me, my Megan and my Erika. The One who understands a woman/girls struggle with self image. The One who tells us all we are beautiful, because HE created us. The One who knows how much I want to shift the tide for myself and my girls both with weight and worry. The ONLY ONE who can make those changes in and through us.
So this morning I poured out my heart to Him. I asked for His forgiveness for my failure in these areas. I told Him I have no idea how to move forward for all 4 of us, but I want to. As much as I want it for myself and Rick I want it SO MUCH more for my precious girls.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Overflow Of The Heart
I love to read, I love my shows, I love movies, and I love music. Every once in a while though God has to get my attention and tell me to evaluate how I'm spending my time. To consider what I am putting into my heart and mind. It hasn't been a once or twice conviction..it happens a lot.
I have learned the tell-tell signs to know I'm spending too much time in one of these 4 areas, but I'm sure God will show me other ways to know I'm "out of bounds".
For shows and movies there is always the convicting "Would you watch this with your children". I try to always be careful of what is going into my children's minds, but the last several months I have become more and more convicted of what is going into my mind and heart. DTWS has been one of my favorite shows, it should really embarrass me to tell you that!! Women (read in there ME and my daughter) struggle enough with body image without the help of half naked, nearly perfect women on my T.V. The talk they use to analyze the dances..the sexier the better. These should have all sent me running years ago. It took blatant homosexuality flaunted on the show to give me the push. I'm disappointed with my choices, I'm confidant my Jesus is too.
One of the other tell-tell signs I have learned in the last year when it comes to movies and shows....We love detective shows. It got to the point though where I had set shows I watched at night and re-runs of other shows I watched during the day while doing house work. I became sad, depressed, unsettled, angry, having out-burst. When shows were over or Rick was still watching and I would try to sleep I couldn't sleep. Sometimes anxiety would take over other times I would just be so restless and have nightmares. I knew I was watching too much death, kidnappings, and just shows with a lack of respect for human life. I had to do a serious cut back and when those feelings come back I know to think about what I'm watching.
Music...I love me some country music but lets face it you have to be careful. When I catch myself singing that song and paying attention to the words....and gasp, was I really singing that WITH MY KIDS?!?!?!? I know then way to much secular music has made it's way into our day recently. I love worship music and I love to sing with my kids I have to be the parent and make sure that is what is pumping through our speakers.
Books, oh goodness I love to read!!!!! It is my escape. That's the problem. I learned years ago that I can read very little non-Christian fiction. I don't want the cussing, the sex, and the ungodly story lines. So I switched to Christian fiction. I still have to be careful though. Too much reading, even Christian books, and I will check out of my life and into a "happily ever after world".
The Bible says in Matthew 12:34 "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks" When I'm reading all these touchy-feely books A LOT I find myself getting moody, unhappy with how my life is, unhappy in my marriage, unhappy with my kids, unhappy because reality stinks. The result is unhappy things coming out of my mouth, undeserved anger at my husband and kids and my friends. Let's be honest we love the "Cinderella" story, but we know it isn't our life so to get sucked into someone elses "life" feels good (even if we can tell ourselves it's just a book). Then when our life doesn't go along with the "happily ever after" we get unhappy in our day to day stuff/routine/life.
I have had to learn to make getting into God's Word a priority. Then find a balance between Christian fiction, devotionals, and books that will help my Christian walk.
I have not come even close to mastering any of these areas, it is a work in progress, my guess is it always will be. I get the right and the wrong choices out of balance often and God has to send me those tell-tell signs I was telling you about to get my attention.
This is what has been on my mind and heart lately...what heart overflow is coming out of my mouth????
What has your attitude been like lately? Does it have anything to do with what you listen to, watch, or read?
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think on THESE things." Philippians 4:8
I have learned the tell-tell signs to know I'm spending too much time in one of these 4 areas, but I'm sure God will show me other ways to know I'm "out of bounds".
For shows and movies there is always the convicting "Would you watch this with your children". I try to always be careful of what is going into my children's minds, but the last several months I have become more and more convicted of what is going into my mind and heart. DTWS has been one of my favorite shows, it should really embarrass me to tell you that!! Women (read in there ME and my daughter) struggle enough with body image without the help of half naked, nearly perfect women on my T.V. The talk they use to analyze the dances..the sexier the better. These should have all sent me running years ago. It took blatant homosexuality flaunted on the show to give me the push. I'm disappointed with my choices, I'm confidant my Jesus is too.
One of the other tell-tell signs I have learned in the last year when it comes to movies and shows....We love detective shows. It got to the point though where I had set shows I watched at night and re-runs of other shows I watched during the day while doing house work. I became sad, depressed, unsettled, angry, having out-burst. When shows were over or Rick was still watching and I would try to sleep I couldn't sleep. Sometimes anxiety would take over other times I would just be so restless and have nightmares. I knew I was watching too much death, kidnappings, and just shows with a lack of respect for human life. I had to do a serious cut back and when those feelings come back I know to think about what I'm watching.
Music...I love me some country music but lets face it you have to be careful. When I catch myself singing that song and paying attention to the words....and gasp, was I really singing that WITH MY KIDS?!?!?!? I know then way to much secular music has made it's way into our day recently. I love worship music and I love to sing with my kids I have to be the parent and make sure that is what is pumping through our speakers.
Books, oh goodness I love to read!!!!! It is my escape. That's the problem. I learned years ago that I can read very little non-Christian fiction. I don't want the cussing, the sex, and the ungodly story lines. So I switched to Christian fiction. I still have to be careful though. Too much reading, even Christian books, and I will check out of my life and into a "happily ever after world".
The Bible says in Matthew 12:34 "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks" When I'm reading all these touchy-feely books A LOT I find myself getting moody, unhappy with how my life is, unhappy in my marriage, unhappy with my kids, unhappy because reality stinks. The result is unhappy things coming out of my mouth, undeserved anger at my husband and kids and my friends. Let's be honest we love the "Cinderella" story, but we know it isn't our life so to get sucked into someone elses "life" feels good (even if we can tell ourselves it's just a book). Then when our life doesn't go along with the "happily ever after" we get unhappy in our day to day stuff/routine/life.
I have had to learn to make getting into God's Word a priority. Then find a balance between Christian fiction, devotionals, and books that will help my Christian walk.
I have not come even close to mastering any of these areas, it is a work in progress, my guess is it always will be. I get the right and the wrong choices out of balance often and God has to send me those tell-tell signs I was telling you about to get my attention.
This is what has been on my mind and heart lately...what heart overflow is coming out of my mouth????
What has your attitude been like lately? Does it have anything to do with what you listen to, watch, or read?
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think on THESE things." Philippians 4:8
Friday, September 9, 2011
Remembering
Like most of you I am remembering things from 10yrs ago. Whether I want to or not (thanks media) "that day" is staring me down. I have had a rough week. Headaches, a low fever, struggling with my thoughts and I told my husband, "I have no idea what is going on!". He just said, " I think it is the day on the calendar" and suddenly I knew he was right and why my mind is at war this week.
I know we all have "our story" of where you were and how you heard the news and what you did in response. Allow me a minute to tell you mine, I will shorten it. 2001 was the year I began battling anxiety,but regardless of fear I knew when I heard about a missions trip I was supposed to go. On Sept. 10th 2001 I boarded a plane with many others from our church to meet an even larger group in Romania for a 10 day missions trip. On Sept. 11, after we landed in Hungary, we loaded a bus for our drive into Romania. We were told they were not planning to make any stops so you can imagine our surprise when we did stop. They told us what was going on back home, they took a "vote" and asked who wanted to go back home and who wanted to stay and do what we came for (we had no idea at that point we had no choice but to stay) I was the only one who voted to go home! :)
I was scared out of my mind, but Rick and I know that God had me in Romania for a reason...to learn a valuable lesson in "Will You Trust ME???" God opened doors to talk to people..they wanted to know how we were still there when our country was under attack. God worked mightily in my life, I learned a lot about how trustworthy my Heavenly Father is.
Fast Forward 10yrs, I still have not read the newspaper my husband bought for me on Sept 12th to give me an idea of what it was like here at home. I still can not watch a 9/11 special with out crying and shaking uncontrollably and I usually will leave the room. I still remember like it was yesterday.
Today I am leaving to go on an over night Women's Retreat.....leaving just like I did 10yrs ago. It isn't nearly as far and God and I have come a long way in the Trust department, but I still struggle. Satan is attacking and I have found myself literally at war in my mind to go on this retreat and not stay home in my "safe place" (as if there really is any such thing). Here I am at another "Will you trust ME????" lesson.
So here is what I read 2 days ago in my quiet time in a book I have been reading Fear Not Tomorrow, God is Already There by Ruth Graham:
"'Unwavering trust is a rare and precious thing because it often demands a degree of courage that borders on the heroic.' How does it feel to trust God in a storm more forceful than any we've ever known? It feels crazy. It feels out of control. That's why the disciples couldn't do it. Trusting God is not for wimps. Waiting in faith to encounter God's power is tough. If we hope to fare better than the disciples, then we will have to keep returning with determination to the character of God. (my note: she is referring to the passage where the disciples and Jesus are in the boat, a storm rolls in and Jesus is sleeping and the disciples are panicking) We must drill down to the bedrock of who God is and make it our priority to know Him. God longs for us to know His character so we can live resting in our storms, expecting His power, and trusting Him for tomorrow."
SO...I will go on this retreat and I may struggle the whole time I am there, but I will keep going back to what I know about WHO MY GOD IS! I will go back to the scriptures He has taught me to bring me through. I will choose to trust His character!
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
2 Corinthians 12:9
I know we all have "our story" of where you were and how you heard the news and what you did in response. Allow me a minute to tell you mine, I will shorten it. 2001 was the year I began battling anxiety,but regardless of fear I knew when I heard about a missions trip I was supposed to go. On Sept. 10th 2001 I boarded a plane with many others from our church to meet an even larger group in Romania for a 10 day missions trip. On Sept. 11, after we landed in Hungary, we loaded a bus for our drive into Romania. We were told they were not planning to make any stops so you can imagine our surprise when we did stop. They told us what was going on back home, they took a "vote" and asked who wanted to go back home and who wanted to stay and do what we came for (we had no idea at that point we had no choice but to stay) I was the only one who voted to go home! :)
I was scared out of my mind, but Rick and I know that God had me in Romania for a reason...to learn a valuable lesson in "Will You Trust ME???" God opened doors to talk to people..they wanted to know how we were still there when our country was under attack. God worked mightily in my life, I learned a lot about how trustworthy my Heavenly Father is.
Fast Forward 10yrs, I still have not read the newspaper my husband bought for me on Sept 12th to give me an idea of what it was like here at home. I still can not watch a 9/11 special with out crying and shaking uncontrollably and I usually will leave the room. I still remember like it was yesterday.
Today I am leaving to go on an over night Women's Retreat.....leaving just like I did 10yrs ago. It isn't nearly as far and God and I have come a long way in the Trust department, but I still struggle. Satan is attacking and I have found myself literally at war in my mind to go on this retreat and not stay home in my "safe place" (as if there really is any such thing). Here I am at another "Will you trust ME????" lesson.
So here is what I read 2 days ago in my quiet time in a book I have been reading Fear Not Tomorrow, God is Already There by Ruth Graham:
"'Unwavering trust is a rare and precious thing because it often demands a degree of courage that borders on the heroic.' How does it feel to trust God in a storm more forceful than any we've ever known? It feels crazy. It feels out of control. That's why the disciples couldn't do it. Trusting God is not for wimps. Waiting in faith to encounter God's power is tough. If we hope to fare better than the disciples, then we will have to keep returning with determination to the character of God. (my note: she is referring to the passage where the disciples and Jesus are in the boat, a storm rolls in and Jesus is sleeping and the disciples are panicking) We must drill down to the bedrock of who God is and make it our priority to know Him. God longs for us to know His character so we can live resting in our storms, expecting His power, and trusting Him for tomorrow."
SO...I will go on this retreat and I may struggle the whole time I am there, but I will keep going back to what I know about WHO MY GOD IS! I will go back to the scriptures He has taught me to bring me through. I will choose to trust His character!
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
2 Corinthians 12:9
Friday, September 2, 2011
Growing Up A Myers
Lately I have been reflective about family and growing up and where we are now.
Life as a Myers....my parents were married when they were both 19 yrs old. ~ 40 yrs ago this December. They were living in Tx. where John and I were born. Dad was working as an electrician when he was called to the ministry. So they packed us up and moved to Chattanooga, TN to go to Tn Temple Univ. My dad said that the plan was to finish school and go back to TX, but add 2 more kids, school taking longer than he thought (school by day, work by night) and settling into a church God would later call him to pastor and we never left.
I always said I was still a Texan and as soon as I got old enough I was moving back....I'm still here :) I'm the only one of the 6 of us who is still here, we are spread out all over the place and maybe that is why there are times when I think about the word "family" and MY family and reminisce about when we were all still under the same roof.
4 of us...John, me, David and Carolyn...we could fight oh my goodness we could fight, but we sure weren't gonna let other people pick on one of us. We could laugh too, we all had our friends but we knew how to have a good time together too. Being preacher's kids we got a lot of "stuff" thrown our way and it was really tough at times. Money was tight but my parents kept us in private Christian school..looking back I have no idea how they did that. We moved a lot. We changed schools several times. "Vacation" was going to Texas for a week to see family. We spent a lot of time at the church....events, revivals, cleaning, setting up, tearing down, locking up/last to leave, looking for someone's lost purse or keys. People called at all hours and even while we were on "vacation". Christmas and birthdays were special days a lot times you got what you needed..a slip, underwear, socks, church clothes, shoes..and a couple of things you may have wanted. We didn't have a house full of family. It was almost always just the 6 of us...Christmas my mom still cooked a big meal and birthdays you got to pick dinner of your choice and open presents. There were a few parties here and there but mostly it was just us. At Christmas my parents would take us to the dollar store in the mall and give us each $5 to buy gifts for the other family members one parent would go in with a child and the other would stand outside the store and wait. We thought this was so much fun!
I honestly didn't wish these things were different. I didn't think much about them, it just was the way things were, I assumed everyone was the same way.
There were other things I wished I could have differently and I must admit I was ungrateful a lot. I know now that things we did have were sacrifices for my parents. I know now that the very things I said I would never say or do as a parent are the things I say and do the most. I know now that my parents did the very best they could with what they knew to do. I know now that my parents loved Jesus and tried to exemplify that in their life. I know now that my parents weren't perfect and never claimed to be.
I try to tell my girls to love each other deeply because some day your parents will be gone and you will be each others family. I know now I miss my siblings deeply. I know now that I am jealous of people who have their family all around them and they see each other all the time. I know now that I didn't realize when everyone moved away it would be so hard to stay connected.
When one of my kids says to me "I wish I had a different family" I always say "Take it up with God, He put you right where He knew you needed to be. Tell HIM you think He made a mistake and see what He says!" I remember feeling the same way at times growing up (sorry Mom and Dad), but really who hasn't??
NOW, though, I know I was right where HE wanted me, with the people HE knew I needed to be with. The hard times, the fun times, the times of tears and the times of laughter have made me who I am. I am very thankful God allowed me to grow up a Myers. I love you Dad, Mom, John, David, and Carolyn!!
Life as a Myers....my parents were married when they were both 19 yrs old. ~ 40 yrs ago this December. They were living in Tx. where John and I were born. Dad was working as an electrician when he was called to the ministry. So they packed us up and moved to Chattanooga, TN to go to Tn Temple Univ. My dad said that the plan was to finish school and go back to TX, but add 2 more kids, school taking longer than he thought (school by day, work by night) and settling into a church God would later call him to pastor and we never left.
I always said I was still a Texan and as soon as I got old enough I was moving back....I'm still here :) I'm the only one of the 6 of us who is still here, we are spread out all over the place and maybe that is why there are times when I think about the word "family" and MY family and reminisce about when we were all still under the same roof.
4 of us...John, me, David and Carolyn...we could fight oh my goodness we could fight, but we sure weren't gonna let other people pick on one of us. We could laugh too, we all had our friends but we knew how to have a good time together too. Being preacher's kids we got a lot of "stuff" thrown our way and it was really tough at times. Money was tight but my parents kept us in private Christian school..looking back I have no idea how they did that. We moved a lot. We changed schools several times. "Vacation" was going to Texas for a week to see family. We spent a lot of time at the church....events, revivals, cleaning, setting up, tearing down, locking up/last to leave, looking for someone's lost purse or keys. People called at all hours and even while we were on "vacation". Christmas and birthdays were special days a lot times you got what you needed..a slip, underwear, socks, church clothes, shoes..and a couple of things you may have wanted. We didn't have a house full of family. It was almost always just the 6 of us...Christmas my mom still cooked a big meal and birthdays you got to pick dinner of your choice and open presents. There were a few parties here and there but mostly it was just us. At Christmas my parents would take us to the dollar store in the mall and give us each $5 to buy gifts for the other family members one parent would go in with a child and the other would stand outside the store and wait. We thought this was so much fun!
I honestly didn't wish these things were different. I didn't think much about them, it just was the way things were, I assumed everyone was the same way.
There were other things I wished I could have differently and I must admit I was ungrateful a lot. I know now that things we did have were sacrifices for my parents. I know now that the very things I said I would never say or do as a parent are the things I say and do the most. I know now that my parents did the very best they could with what they knew to do. I know now that my parents loved Jesus and tried to exemplify that in their life. I know now that my parents weren't perfect and never claimed to be.
I try to tell my girls to love each other deeply because some day your parents will be gone and you will be each others family. I know now I miss my siblings deeply. I know now that I am jealous of people who have their family all around them and they see each other all the time. I know now that I didn't realize when everyone moved away it would be so hard to stay connected.
When one of my kids says to me "I wish I had a different family" I always say "Take it up with God, He put you right where He knew you needed to be. Tell HIM you think He made a mistake and see what He says!" I remember feeling the same way at times growing up (sorry Mom and Dad), but really who hasn't??
NOW, though, I know I was right where HE wanted me, with the people HE knew I needed to be with. The hard times, the fun times, the times of tears and the times of laughter have made me who I am. I am very thankful God allowed me to grow up a Myers. I love you Dad, Mom, John, David, and Carolyn!!
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