Remembering

Like most of you I am remembering things from 10yrs ago.  Whether I want to or not (thanks media) "that day" is staring me down.  I have had a rough week.  Headaches, a low fever, struggling with my thoughts and I told my husband, "I have no idea what is going on!".  He just said, " I think it is the day on the calendar" and suddenly I knew he was right and why my mind is at war this week.

I know we all have "our story" of where you were and how you heard the news and what you did in response.  Allow me a minute to tell you mine, I will shorten it.  2001 was the year I began battling anxiety,but regardless of fear I knew when I heard about a missions trip I was supposed to go. On Sept. 10th 2001 I boarded a plane with many others from our church to meet an even larger group in Romania for a 10 day missions trip.  On Sept. 11, after we landed in Hungary, we loaded a bus for our drive into Romania. We were told they were not planning to make any stops so you can imagine our surprise when we did stop.  They told us what was going on back home, they took a "vote" and asked who wanted to go back home and who wanted to stay and do what we came for (we had no idea at that point we had no choice but to stay) I was the only one who voted to go home! :)

I was scared out of my mind, but Rick and I know that God had me in Romania for a reason...to learn a valuable lesson in "Will You Trust ME???"  God opened doors to talk to people..they wanted to know how we were still there when our country was under attack.  God worked mightily in my life, I learned a lot about how trustworthy my Heavenly Father is.

Fast Forward 10yrs, I still have not read the newspaper my husband bought for me on Sept 12th to give me an idea of what it was like here at home.  I still can not watch a 9/11 special with out crying and shaking uncontrollably and I usually will leave the room. I still remember like it was yesterday.
Today I am leaving to go on an over night Women's Retreat.....leaving just like I did 10yrs ago.  It isn't nearly as far and God and I have come a long way in the Trust department, but I still struggle.  Satan is attacking and I have found myself literally at war in my mind to go on this retreat and not stay home in my "safe place" (as if there really is any such thing). Here I am at another "Will you trust ME????" lesson.
So here is what I read 2 days ago in my quiet time in a book I have been reading Fear Not Tomorrow, God is Already There by Ruth Graham:

"'Unwavering trust is a rare and precious thing because it often demands a degree of courage that borders on the heroic.' How does it feel to trust God in a storm more forceful than any we've ever known?  It feels crazy.  It feels out of control.  That's why the disciples couldn't do it.  Trusting God is not for wimps.  Waiting in faith to encounter God's power is tough.  If we hope to fare better than the disciples, then we will have to keep returning with determination to the character of God.  (my note: she is referring to the passage where the disciples and Jesus are in the boat, a storm rolls in and Jesus is sleeping and the disciples are panicking) We must drill down to the bedrock of who God is and make it our priority to know Him. God longs for us to know His character so we can live resting in our storms, expecting His power, and trusting Him for tomorrow."

SO...I will go on this retreat and I may struggle the whole time I am there, but I will keep going back to what I know about WHO MY GOD IS! I will go back to the scriptures He has taught me to bring me through.  I will choose to trust His character!
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 
2 Corinthians 12:9