Disclaimer For Seeking Him

As we are wrapping up this study at church I feel like I have to give a disclaimer.

If I am not careful I can become a "Bible Study Junkie".  You know what I mean?  Just going from study to study, learning something, but not really being changed.  It can be as much about fellowship as actual Bible Study.

In December I saw a need to get in The Word more with my family, specifically my oldest daughter.  I was looking for a study we could do together when I learned we would begin Seeking Him at church at the beginning of the year.  I set my search aside and decided that M and I would do this study with the ladies of our church.

I will be painfully honest, I really didn't think I had a lot to work on.  I know I am not perfect, I know I have some struggles, but before we started this study I thought for the most part I was "doing ok".  God must have given that sad smile we give our kids when we know they are about to learn a life  lesson....the hard way.

As we began to deal with Humility, Honesty, Repentance, Grace, Holiness, Obedience, Forgiveness (and more) He began to show me the ugly.  The Great Physician opened me up and the stench came out.  Then He said "Now, we can get to work.  First we have to remove the infection and THEN the real healing begins."

Truth?  It hasn't always been  wasn't ever easy.  It has been painful and heart wrenching.  At the beginning of the book it asked the question most Bible Studies ask:  Why did you take this study?  I wrote my answer and at the end wrote "I am hoping for a personal revival.  I fear walking away unchanged."  He didn't ignore my request.

I have learned that pride is a huge sin that I have allowed to fester and must deal with and allow Him to remove. I have learned that God has placed in my life and in His Word true examples of Godly humility and I can and should learn from them.  I have learned and/or been reminded how vast is the grace of God. I have learned how honesty, repentance, holiness and obedience work together and ways I need to put each attribute into practice in my life.  I have had to seek forgiveness and give it.  I have learned that I wasn't "doing ok" like I thought, BUT that He wasn't writing me off.  Thank you, Jesus, He isn't done refining me!

There have been times when I told God "ENOUGH!  I don't want to do this anymore!"  He always reminds me of when I was in labor with M.  The epidural did not work and 20+ hours into labor I was exhausted and scared.  When they told me it was time to push and I thought my body could NOT take anymore pain I screamed at the Dr and my husband "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!  I CAN'T DO THIS!"  They smiled and told me "You ARE doing this.  You have no choice, we are here now."  Breathe. Push. Breathe.

So my disclaimer for Seeking Him is this:
Do not take this study if you are looking for just another study to do with your friends.  Do not take this study if you aren't willing to be gut wrenchingly honest with God.  Do not take this study if you don't want Him to expose your ugly and ask you to deal with it.  Do not take this study if you just want Him to leave you unchanged.
However, if personal revival is what you seek, if your desire is to walk into a deeper relationship with Him, if you want to truly surrender all, if you are willing to allow Him to strip it all away in order to bring you out different, more like Him ....  the Bible Study Seeking Him is a good place to start.

It will be hard work.  It could get pretty painful.  The outcome, though, is something beautiful.  He won't leave your side.  Breathe. Push.  Breathe.

His Amazing Love

 A few weeks ago during my quiet time I was looking for a video for How He Loves by David Crowder Band and came across one with some excerpts from sermons from Matt Chandler and John Piper.  It was exactly what I needed to be reminded of that day. I have played it over and over in my quiet times lately and have shared it with my daughters and my husband.  We are all in different "phases" of life and our Christian walk, but still need to be reminded of His love for us.  We need to be reminded of the fact that He knew how messy we would be and still He loves, still He chose to go to the cross for us.

Last week the ladies in our church began a Bible Study together, Seeking Him by Nancy Lee DeMoss and Tim Grissom.  Megan and I both joined and I am looking forward to going through it with her.  The first week was challenging, sometimes painful and made me get real and answer honestly things I didn't necessarily want to answer; however it is GOOD!!  One day that was particularly convicting I pulled the above video up and just closed my eyes and took it in.  Then off to the side I saw a link to another video.  Our study has taken us several times to the book of Hosea, so the link peaked my interest.  I ended up with another video I have pulled up often in the last week and have shared with Megan and Rick. It was awesome since Megan was not familiar with the story of Hosea and Gomer.  Let's be honest it isn't a story we teach in Sunday School mixed in with Noah, Moses, Gideon,Samson, Ruth and Esther.  I explained the story from the Bible to her and then we watched the video together.

He paid the ultimate price for what was already His.  I already belonged to Christ; He is my creator.  He paid to buy me back. He paid with His Son's life.  Oh How He Loves!!  I can't wrap my head around it.  I can't comprehend it. I can't be grateful enough.

The knowledge of His love for me makes me want to dig in deep to the study Seeking Him, lean in close to my Savior and come out on the other side changed. It makes me want to line up with Him and live in a way that glorifies Him because of the way He loves me.

Beer in My Daughter's Backpack

My youngest was pretty determined that I not take a nap today.  It wasn't really a nap I was hoping for; really I just wanted some time to close the bedroom door and talk through some things with Rick.  Heartbreak and despair were close to happening for my girl, though.  She couldn't find her pack of Hubba Bubba bubble gum that she bought with her last $2.  $2 that, until a couple of days ago, had been lost for a really long time.  Seeing the trend yet?  We informed her that bubble gum was not the kind of thing that warranted interrupting and sent her on her sad little way.

When our conversation came to an end I went to help her go through her room looking for the lost Hubba Bubba.  While there I saw her backpack and searched it. Pause with me for a moment....my daughter is (in)famous for 2 things:  Losing things, and hiding things in random places.  She sees no problem with this. I want to scream over it.  SO, searching bizarre places in her room is normal.  Back to my story....I knew she hadn't used her backpack for 2 weeks, but anything is possible in E's room.

I didn't find the gum.  What I DID find was her lunchbox and water bottle from the last day of school before Christmas break.  2 WEEKS AGO! Just to help paint a picture for you ~ that day for lunch she had something in a baggie but I really couldn't figure out what it was, spaghetti in a thermos (the smell, oh my goodness), and a half empty water bottle.  Not one of those plastic kinds with the cute little flip up straw, no the kind that are aluminum and have the tight seal on the lid.  

I was done looking for that Orange Crush flavored sugar rush.  I had to get this science experiment to the kitchen. I cleaned out all the garbage and put the thermos to soak in super hot soapy water.  I didn't throw up.  I gagged a lot, but I didn't throw up.  Now to clean out the water bottle.  I couldn't get it open.  It was stuck. I got two towels, one for each hand to help with my grip, all the while marveling at E's ability to close this thing so tightly.

Finally, when I thought my already jacked up back was not going to let me fight this thing anymore, there was a pop, a loud hiss, and a spray EVERYWHERE!  It scared me to death. I stood still with my eyes closed for a second.  Checked to make sure I still had all my bodyparts.  Then I smelled the smell.  It smelled like someone had shook up a can of beer and popped the top.  That is the moment I realized I had not put water in her water bottle.  Nope, that would make too much sense.  I opened my eyes to see a foaming amber liquid pouring out of my girls's water bottle.  That day 2 weeks ago I had put apple juice in her water bottle.  And now, it was all  over me, all over the walls, all over E's art project, all over the clean dishes, even all over the ceiling.

Just in case you need a science project idea for your kids apparently if you keep apple juice sealed real tight for a couple of weeks you get apple beer or apple wine....you get fermented apple juice and a kitchen and some clothes that smell like you've had more than a few.

Life lessons for me:  Don't pack apple juice in my daughter's backpack on the last day of school at all, ever again.  Always, always, always make sure they put their lunch boxes in the kitchen BEFORE they take their backpacks upstairs.  Be prepared for anything coming out of E's room (or backpack).

You read the title and thought I was gonna spill some juicy tidbits from the Landess house didn't you?  Shame on you.  :)

By the way, we never did find the gum.