I have been through a roller coaster of emotions this week and truthfully I am quite weary. Monday was insane for who knows what reason, Tuesday was our 14th anniversary.
It was a sweet day for us even though we didn't get to go out. When we got married I worked for the school system and we needed the summer to plan our wedding so we got married 2 weeks before school started. We didn't fast forward several yrs and think that that would mean every year our kids would get school supplies for our anniversary and we would be flat broke. There were gifts for each other and we will go out....some day. :) I feel very proud/thankful of our 14yrs. To say it has been easy would be a lie, we have our issues just like everyone else and there have been times when one or both of us has wanted to throw in the towel, but God is gracious and has walked us through and we are working hard at this thing called life, marriage and family.
Wednesday brought the first day of school which ALWAYS makes me emotional. It brings the reminder that my babies are just getting older, moving on, and we are taking another step in letting go. Megan always takes things in an easy going way, she was nervous but stepped into her first day of 7th grade with the courage I love so much about her. Erika....a whole other story. She started her day insanely grumpy and even hateful to the family. We realized quickly she was pretty scared. I always walk her in (Megan never let me walk her in after Kindergarten) but I think Erika thought 2nd graders don't need mommies and she didn't want people to think she was a baby. She was close to puking, but got out of the car with a look that said you are sending me to my execution and walked in. For the first time EVER I did not cry when I dropped my girls off. I think when she got inside and saw all the mommies there with kids of every age she realized her mistake.
I got home, got out of the car and my cell phone rang. My baby girl was sobbing on the other end begging me to come back. I did. She was sitting in the office silent tears streaming down her face and it was all this mommy could do to hold it together. She proceeded to beg me to take her home with promises she would come the next day. I loved on her and told her I couldn't take her home, but I would walk her to class. More begging, more promises, more tears, and a walk down the hall. I took her in and the sweetest lady I think my girls have ever been blessed to have as teachers walked up to my Erika, hugged her and said "Oh Erika, I'm so glad you are here, I was hoping you would come today." I kissed my girl, walked out, got in my car as quickly as I could and cried the whole way home and for an hour or so. Praying for her through the day. She got off the bus and said it was a great day and she loves her teacher....oh, so do I!!!!
Through out this week we have had multiple conversations with several people... things that have been one blow after another of bad news, heart breaking issues. People we love dearly whom Satan is attacking and situations that at times this week seemed unfix-able. Things that have burdened me so much they have sent me running, laying face down in front of my Father (much like my daughter did Wed.) begging for intervention on behalf of those I love so much. There have been some victories and some times where there are no answers. I don't know what God is doing, and some times trusting is hard, but this morning I am hanging on to the fact my God is STILL God. He loves my family and friends WAY more than I ever could and He didn't step off His throne and not know these things would happen. He is always working out His perfect plan, and His timing and His plans are not always (not usually) my timing or my plans. So while a huge part of me says I want to get off this roller coaster of emotions, being involved in people's lives is too messy and too hard; there is another small part of me that says it is worth the risk. Loving people, being involved, getting dirty, hurting when they hurt, crying when they cry leads to laughing when they laugh and rejoicing when they rejoice and a chance to see God moving and working miracles in their lives.....and in mine.
No comments:
Post a Comment